Dearest readers, welcome to the Thursday edition of TheRedShirts weekly NFL preview to be known from this time, till the end of time as the Lackdaddy’s TNF Preview (or until I think of something more creative to call it). To preview, this article will be an in-depth breakdown of the TNF game. So if you’re looking for absurd predictions supported by borderline slanderous takes, I suggest you hit back now, and make your way over to Mikelberry’s liar. That being said, I will never mince words nor will I shy away from colorful descriptions. If your team, say my Tampa Bay Buccaneers for example, looks more like Paul Walker’s Porsche , than an actual professional football team, I will make that quite clear. So once again, thank you for taking the time to read this article.
Washington Redskins(5-6) @ Dallas Cowboys(5-6)
AT&T Stadium, 8:25PM, NFL Network, NBC, Amazon Video, Any Reddit link
Week 13. A time for joyous celebration, and the worst case of the scaries ever. Joy, from the fact that you finally know who the good teams are in the NFL. These teams also seem to play each other constantly over the last few weeks of the season, battling for seeding and division titles providing endless entertainment. Heart breaking scaries because there are just five weeks left where you get to pop your feet up on Sunday, and do nothing but watch the elixir of life that is NFL football all damn day. Sure, the playoffs follow and then the #1 holiday that isn’t a holiday but totally should be with Super Bowl Sunday. After that….nothing. Just a destitute seemingly never ending darkness that can drive even the most resilient of football guys insane. As my internet dad, who doesn’t know that he’s my internet dad, Barstool Big Cat would say,”the sandwich, is almost gone.”
I truly feel a little bad for this Redskins team. They’ve been devastated by injuries all year, their idiot team president(former Bucs GM Bruce Allen) has alienated starting QB Kirk Cousins, or King Pyrrhus of Epirus as I call him, to the point where his departure in the off-season seems all but guaranteed, and have had chances to beat the Saints, Vikings, and Eagles. Bottom line, in the AFC they for sure would be a playoff team. Alas, this is a Thursday preview not a playoff preview and if we’re just focusing on the next game, as any true football guy does, then things are looking the fuck up.
From an injury stand point they’re finally getting some key guys back. Starting tackle Morgan Moses played all but four snaps last week, guard Brandon Scherff played the whole game and Trent Williams was a limited participants in practice all this week and expects to return. This is great news for rookie running back Samaje Perine who is coming off back to back 100 yard games and about to face Dallas’s frat house basement 6 of a rush defense(this means they’re not good). Defensively, LB Zack Brown returned last week to bolster their already stout defense and OLB Ryan Kerrigan is quietly having a fantastic season with nine sacks through just 11 games, two coming against Tyron Smith and the Cowboys. If Perine can continue his success on the ground and King Pyrrhus makes the plays required of him, this Redskins offense could finally begin to look intimidating. The offense, combined with the defense smothering the defunct Dallas offense to death like a suburban housewife has the Redskins looking ripe for the W.
On the other hand the Cowboys could be without some key pieces in addition to suspended star running back Zeke Elliott. Sean Lee and his hamstrings made of glass have already been ruled out, linebacker Justin Durant is out with a concussion, and all-pro guard Zack Martin is somehow just questionable with a concussion sustained on Sunday. According to the NFL concussion protocol there should absolutely be no way for Martin to get cleared within just four days of being concussed. I don’t know if Martin will play but he really shouldn’t, trust me this blog knows about being concussed, just ask Jim about the time Mi-Lae came down the key bows a blazing. Outside the injuries nothing else is going right in Dallas. Since losing Zeke three games ago, Dallas has lost every game by 20 points or more, Dallas’s running backs have been held to under 70 yards rushing two out of those three times, and QB Dak Prescott has been sacked a league worst 4.7 times a game during this three game stretch.
LACKDADDY’S ABSOLUTELY MIND BLOWING STAT OF THE WEEK: Dez Bryant hasn’t, as in has not, had a single 100 yard receiving game this year, in fact he has only two games this year where he has eclipsed 70 yards!!! He gets Josh Norman this week and I’m gonna have to hammer the under whatever Bryant’s receiving yards prop is on Bovada tonight. Michael Irvin needs to make a trip down to Arlington and rip that jersey off his back.
Prediction: Everything seems to be trending upward for Washington and everything seems to be spiraling downward for Dallas. I don’t think it’ll be an absolute beat down as it is a rivalry and Dallas will play with some pride, but Redskins are winning this one.
Redskins 27 Dallas 13
BONUS NEWS OF POSSIBLY CATASTROPHIC PROPORTIONS?!?!?!??!?!:
Sources are saying that the Redskins are going to refuse to wear their color rush jerseys for tonight’s game as they are too ugly, not wrong. This is absolutely mind bottling. I was fully planning on betting multiple props for the Redskins and hammering the spread tonight in their favor but this…..this cannot be factored in. This is deciding to play a womens lacrosse game in the middle of a fire hurricane, this is having a knife fight but there’s a plague of locust attacking both the combatants, Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder battling each other to the death at mid field and none of these things would affect a game as much as this decision…I’m still hammering my props.#pray4lackdaddy